My Nemesis

She said it. Damn. My mind races with anxiety. I know what is coming next.

I sit up on my knees, drop my hands at my sides, and start to lean back. I begin reaching my hands back to my ankles, but suddenly come back up, wobbling to the side. My head spins, stomach lurches, I start to sweat; I think I just may vomit and pass out all at once. Ahh, my nemesis, Camel Pose.

A friend and I talked over dinner; the question was posed: “What is your least favorite yoga posture?” Unanimously, we said, Ustrasana, or Camel Pose. This pose, an intense heart opener, makes me cringe every time the yoga instructor says those two words. For many reasons, I should embrace this pose. According to Yoga Journal, this pose is helpful for respiratory ailments, mild backache, fatigue, anxiety, and menstrual discomfort.  Over the last few weeks, I have had more than a few of these issues that Camel Pose would help me tackle.

At the end of dinner, my friend and I decided that since we need this pose, and we despise it, we should do it. It seemed very logical. All anxiety over the pose aside, we came to the decision that we would practice this pose for two breaths each night. Two weeks later, we met up. She had done a great job, practicing it almost every night. On the other hand, I think I had blocked it from my memory. The only night I had practiced it was the night we talked about it.

So, I am reaccepting the challenge. I will begin again. I will conquer this heart opener that makes me cringe. I will fall back, grab my heels and, one day, not feel like I may vomit.

An Act of Meditation

Lately, my mind races with worry and anxiety. In one short month, I will have quit my job, left my puppy with a friend and gotten on an airplane to meet my husband in Mexico where we will commence on a four-month trip, driving through Mexico and Central America. Though I am blown away with excitement to have this opportunity, my thoughts are plagued with anxiety: Is Sage going to be okay while I am away? What if a car hits him? What if he gets lost or the vet finds that he has cancer? Will Nate get killed or held hostage somewhere in the mountains of Mexico? What if I never see him again? Will I sit by the curb at the airport in La puerta, with no husband in sight? Simply, because I do not know the awful travesties that has befallen him?

So, I knit. Being a beginning knitter, I do many redundant patterns. Knit, knit, knit, knit fifty-four times; purl, purl, purl, purl, fifty-four times. It is mindless; it allows my mind to clear and fill with an intention and concentration of another kind. With each stitch, I repeat my own mantra, “Nate and Sage will be safe.” The repetition of this simple mantra calms my fears and assuages my worry. The longer I repeat it, the longer it stays with me throughout the day.